Offering insight

I was lucky enough to be exposed to the Priciples of Health Realization in 1996. It was a gift while employed with Ethicon
Endo-Surgery which is a part of Johnson and Johnson. I was part of a group who traveled to LaConner Washington and listened to George Pransky speak of the the Priciples of Health Realization which at that time was called Psychology of Mind.

One result of my exposure to Health Realization, and the peace it offers to those who are open to it, was a desire to share this truth with others so that they could experience the same peace. However, as you know from my previous post people don't grow as a result of sharing opinions or insights but rather by getting their own insights. So, I had this new understanding, waiting for an opportunity where someone might be open to hearing about it.

As it turned out, I got into a discussion with a woman who was going through a challenging divorce. Many issues in the divorrce proceedings had been decided. But still unresolved was the issue of her husbands pension. Simply put, she wanted some and he didn't want to give her any. As a result, their interactions were taking place in the courtroom where she had been experiencing severe, aggressive questioning by his attourney. Sadly, the manner of the questioning spoke to the heart of her insecurity and was effective in putting her on edge.

She was dreading her upcoming appointment with the witness stand when we got together to talk. As she spoke I saw two different ways in which she could respond. First, she could take what is a fairly standard approach of using coping strategies to deal with the insecurity that she felt. She did have another opion however. The second option is to look at the source of the "aggressive" questioning I know there are many sources that address coping strategies so I will deal with the second more unique approach.

I honestly wondered about the effect the questioning was having on her state of mind. I have found that when are insecure we tend to take EVERYTHING personally. We look for hidden meanings in words and phrases. We attach negative meanings to things. When faced with a choice of interpretations, we choose the one that is most deliterious to ourselves and our situation.

When we are calm, peaceful and relaxed, we are able to gain a larger perspective. We see that

No Advice Available

I was talking to one of my close family recently. Truth be told, we were in an intense discussion about an issue. She had her perspective and I had mine. We both tried to see each others perspective however we were unsuccessful. Before we broke the conversation off she asked me, "do you have any advice for me."

Now normally I ALWAYS have advice to give. I consider myself a pretty good "fixer." Others who have been on the receiving end of my advice might disagree and call me a busybody or just interfering in their business. But to me I think I offer pretty good advice. I bet you too think you offer pretty good advice. You probably consider yourself relatively wordly and having a ggod handle on human nature and think that you advice is normally on the mark. In all likelihood it probably is.

However, what I came to realize is that the above perspective on advice is wide of the mark. Even though now it seems obvious, advice isn't often worth the breath that it takes to give. Why? Well, there are many reasons. Among them are the fact that we can't really understand where someone else is coming from no matter how hard they try to explain their situation. Additionally, it is tough if not impossible for us to communicate advice in the way it is intended. Oftentimes people to whom we are talking have a close attachment to the subject on which we want to share our wisdom which clouds their ability to understand where we are coming from...and the list of reasons goes on.

But probably the best reason I came up with for not giving advice is so subtle that I have missed seeing it for years. It appears to me that when I offer advice to someone I am communicating that they don't have the ability to address the issue themselves. WHOA! By expressing my opinion or advice I am telling them that I think I know how to solve their problems better than they. I guess that is the biggest reason I will try my best to refrain from offering advice. After all, even the most insightful among us want to be able to take a vacation from advice giving every once and awhile.

Too much to say...

I have been hanging out in a variety of places the last few months and they include my "childhood home." My folks have lived in the same house for over thirty years and even though I only spent about five of my formative years living there full time I consider it my basecamp. My parents are a good anchor for me and over the past months have encouraged me to write. Their encouragement has not been around specific interest areas but more as a general encouragement regarding the relevance of my thoughts and how I communicate them.

Humility not being one of my strengths and inertia being one of my hallmarks have not served me well in committing my thoughts to paper however. Notably one of the tricks of wrting is to actually "do" it without initial regard for content. The proverbial getting back in the saddle after falling off the horse. Therefore this post will be short with the hope that there will be more to follow since I do have too much to say...