Can You Predict Happiness?

While searching www.digg.com (which by the way is an awesome site which aggregates articles which are somewhat off the beaten path) I came across a Time magazine article with the title of this post. You can find the article here http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,1714473,00.html

Now, the validity of the idea of whether one can predict their own happiness or not is mildly interesting to me. What is really interesting however is the idea that Time magazine is open to the idea that ones individual thoughts have a role to play in their reality. And that there is validity to the idea and benefit of living in the moment. In other words, thought is offered as a creative force for an individuals experience.

Daniel Gilbert, author and Harvard psychology professor said in the article, "The kinds of comparisons we're making when we're imagining the future aren't the kinds we make when we get there." Powerful ideas to be sure. But even more powerful is that fact that Time magazine is exploring them.

How to change, inspite of trying to

Most people think that in able to change...something, you need to try. In this post I will try to explain the premise of grace, as it applies to oneself, and how grace is the key towards positive change. Humanity has been sold a bill of goods when it comes to making changes in ones personal habits. The ideas of accountability loom large in order for us to initiate and especially to continue habits that are outside of our normal routine.

If you do not exercise, then conventional wisdom says that you should start exercising with someone else and make sure to tell others so that they can keep you accountable. It sounds like alot of guilt to me and maybe it works, for a while. Maybe it works for a long while. But I just don't believe that the best way to make changes in my life are by guilt or having someone else parent me to keep me on the straight and narrow.

I firmly believe that if I am engaged in an unhealthy habit it is because I personally do not yet understand that I have an alternative to that behavior when I am faced with the urge to undertake that habit. Therefore, if I am lazy, overeating, underexercising, overdrinking it is because I do not, in the moment, see the possibility of not doing so.

Now, first let me say that the last statement I made can be pretty tough to accept. It puts me and only me as the determiner of my behavior. It takes away the excuses of addiction and lack of motivation as reasons for my behavior. Many people are not willing to put the responsibility for their actions squarely on their own shoulders, and therefore there is a huge industry just waiting to help people deal with what I would call perceived addictions and motivational issues. This post is not for them

This post is for those of you who either are tired of dealing with your "addictions and motivational issues" or have not found freedom from those issues.

If you are still with me then I can offer you hope above accountability, the 12 steps or any rewards or punishments. The answer is inside of you. Inside you lives a goodness, a power, a wisdom which is unbelievably stronger than any addiction or issue you are dealing with. This deeply resident health is willing and waiting to provide all the answers you need to all the issues you face in life. Now, you might ask, "Why haven't I heard any of the advice this health has to offer?" The reason is that it has a quiet voice which is easily overwhelmed by your own thoughts. So when you are trying to change, thinking about changing, or even considering thinking about whether you should change, you leave no room to hear the voice of your health. The only way to hear your quiet voice is to be calm in your thinking. This calmness, serinity and peace is the opening your health needs to lead you on the path to change.

Human needs versus the need for humanity

I just walk by. You may too. They usually sit on the sidewalk with some sort of sign. Sometimes they just hold a cup. They are homeless, down on their luck, needy, beggars, con men, or whatever YOU might call them. I just walk by. And I rationalize my decision to walk by. They aren't really hungry, They probably make more begging than they would if they worked a real job for minimum wage. They will spend any money they get on drugs or alcohol. Sadly, all of this may be true. Sadly, even if all this is true, they won't go away and neither will my guilt as I just walk by.

I read a book titled, "The Mystic Christ." I am not here to promote the book. However, one thing I read touched me. What I goe was, when we see someone in need it is not up to us to decide how needy they are or whether they will use any money we give them "correctly" or whether any assistance is truly needed. Our responsibily is to respond with generosity. WOW, so when I saw a panhandler, my responsibility was to share some of the bounty I have been given with them. My gift was to be given without thought to how my gift would be used or any other thought excepting that there, before me, was another human being in need.

The next panhandler I ran into was the recepient of a single dollar from my wallet. i was probably much more uncomfortable giving it to him than he could ever be asking me for it. It was a transaction. I give and he received. As I walked away I felt uncomgortable and empty. I had given of my wallet, but my heart felt empty. I suppose I realized that this panhandler had more than physi8cal needs which we unmet. I had no idea how to meet those other needs but somehow I sensed they were there.

Upon my reflection, I realized that a panhandler is more than just monetarily removed from society. They are isolated by a much wider chasim. That chasim was evident as person after person walked by. People ignored, made fun of, insulted, and humiliated them. Hardly a human response to an individual in need. These people, these fellow humans are in need of more than just physical comfort. They need human comfort as well. That human comfort comes in somehow satisfying thier need for humanity. The physical and emotional connect we all take for granted was obviously absent. And I guess that realizing that is somehow my challenge expressed by a friend of mine many years ago. He said, "John, when you see a need and try to fulfill it, you have only taken the first step along the journey of finding the profundity of need and what you can do to fulfil it."

Offering insight

I was lucky enough to be exposed to the Priciples of Health Realization in 1996. It was a gift while employed with Ethicon
Endo-Surgery which is a part of Johnson and Johnson. I was part of a group who traveled to LaConner Washington and listened to George Pransky speak of the the Priciples of Health Realization which at that time was called Psychology of Mind.

One result of my exposure to Health Realization, and the peace it offers to those who are open to it, was a desire to share this truth with others so that they could experience the same peace. However, as you know from my previous post people don't grow as a result of sharing opinions or insights but rather by getting their own insights. So, I had this new understanding, waiting for an opportunity where someone might be open to hearing about it.

As it turned out, I got into a discussion with a woman who was going through a challenging divorce. Many issues in the divorrce proceedings had been decided. But still unresolved was the issue of her husbands pension. Simply put, she wanted some and he didn't want to give her any. As a result, their interactions were taking place in the courtroom where she had been experiencing severe, aggressive questioning by his attourney. Sadly, the manner of the questioning spoke to the heart of her insecurity and was effective in putting her on edge.

She was dreading her upcoming appointment with the witness stand when we got together to talk. As she spoke I saw two different ways in which she could respond. First, she could take what is a fairly standard approach of using coping strategies to deal with the insecurity that she felt. She did have another opion however. The second option is to look at the source of the "aggressive" questioning I know there are many sources that address coping strategies so I will deal with the second more unique approach.

I honestly wondered about the effect the questioning was having on her state of mind. I have found that when are insecure we tend to take EVERYTHING personally. We look for hidden meanings in words and phrases. We attach negative meanings to things. When faced with a choice of interpretations, we choose the one that is most deliterious to ourselves and our situation.

When we are calm, peaceful and relaxed, we are able to gain a larger perspective. We see that

No Advice Available

I was talking to one of my close family recently. Truth be told, we were in an intense discussion about an issue. She had her perspective and I had mine. We both tried to see each others perspective however we were unsuccessful. Before we broke the conversation off she asked me, "do you have any advice for me."

Now normally I ALWAYS have advice to give. I consider myself a pretty good "fixer." Others who have been on the receiving end of my advice might disagree and call me a busybody or just interfering in their business. But to me I think I offer pretty good advice. I bet you too think you offer pretty good advice. You probably consider yourself relatively wordly and having a ggod handle on human nature and think that you advice is normally on the mark. In all likelihood it probably is.

However, what I came to realize is that the above perspective on advice is wide of the mark. Even though now it seems obvious, advice isn't often worth the breath that it takes to give. Why? Well, there are many reasons. Among them are the fact that we can't really understand where someone else is coming from no matter how hard they try to explain their situation. Additionally, it is tough if not impossible for us to communicate advice in the way it is intended. Oftentimes people to whom we are talking have a close attachment to the subject on which we want to share our wisdom which clouds their ability to understand where we are coming from...and the list of reasons goes on.

But probably the best reason I came up with for not giving advice is so subtle that I have missed seeing it for years. It appears to me that when I offer advice to someone I am communicating that they don't have the ability to address the issue themselves. WHOA! By expressing my opinion or advice I am telling them that I think I know how to solve their problems better than they. I guess that is the biggest reason I will try my best to refrain from offering advice. After all, even the most insightful among us want to be able to take a vacation from advice giving every once and awhile.

Too much to say...

I have been hanging out in a variety of places the last few months and they include my "childhood home." My folks have lived in the same house for over thirty years and even though I only spent about five of my formative years living there full time I consider it my basecamp. My parents are a good anchor for me and over the past months have encouraged me to write. Their encouragement has not been around specific interest areas but more as a general encouragement regarding the relevance of my thoughts and how I communicate them.

Humility not being one of my strengths and inertia being one of my hallmarks have not served me well in committing my thoughts to paper however. Notably one of the tricks of wrting is to actually "do" it without initial regard for content. The proverbial getting back in the saddle after falling off the horse. Therefore this post will be short with the hope that there will be more to follow since I do have too much to say...

Understanding Peace

Is it true that finding health is more about finding peace than anything else? I am wondering that as I sit her and write this. I think that my tendency is to move in the direction of peace...and then...ANALYZE IT.

Now,

Why would I do that?

I think that upon reflection, it is due to my desire to understand peace. That is the question isn't it.


How can I understand peace?